oh man! just now my com crashed.

so whaever i typed is gone!!! ARGH!!!

no time le.. xg just msged tt shes gg to call.. there goes my tv..

nvm.. dun mind toking to her..

kk.. tmr then retype whaever ive typed just now.

n my com will be here tmr!! i mean my new one.. yesh!

i din watch my tv last nite. after toking to muay fan, xg called.. n we toked on the phone til like 4? my god. was real tired after tt.. actually i sort of dozes off while she continue toking.. haha..oops. n i dunnoe why, but she offered to go for those interviews today. was kinda surprised. i mean it was like..well..i dunnoe.. i mean like i only went out with her once..n we were always just chatting over the phone n msging..n now shes like offering to go interviews with me?? anyway, i was pretty alrite with it..muay fan was too.

this morning muay fan armed herself with the classified section n came over my place. began making calls n arranging for interviews. after we've done all those, called xg n met up.

1st stop was the peninsula plaza.. yea. say they'll get back to us by friday. so far i think they've got the best offer.

2nd was recruit express at taka. we told sandy abt signing up with desmond n stuff.. n i saw yuwei there? my god! she still looks so suck up. was avoiding her man.. dun wanna have anithing to do with her.

later on me n muay fan got abit desperate tt we decided to call desmond.. yea.. he was pretty nice lar.. so we're awaiting good news from him.

things were arranged in such a way tt all of us din hav time to makan lunch.. n xg was real nice to go n get some food. yea. muay fan tot she was a pretty nice girl as well..

the 3rd stop was East Centre. had a hard time looking for the place.. well..after the interview with chris, both of us werent interested in the job at all. so we decided to skip the orientation on friday.

last stop was this flora shop in neil rd. n the job vacancis being taken up.. oh man.. what a waste of time.

after everything.. we were real tired.. as in me n muay fan.. xg still seems so energetic.. think shes adnormal lar.. had dinner. n xg sent us home in a cab. was quite paiseh abt it.. but well.. we were too tired to care anymore.

yesh. n me n muay fan got BIG BIG plans!! haha.

gg to watch tv later!!! tts if nobody calls n interupts me. yesh.

SHAGGED! i spent the entire day out today. just came home like 20 mins ago?

i slept at like 2am this morning, watching my ju zi jiang nan hai.. haha.. think [you] is really damn cute n sweet. man.. i'll b mad over him as well.. n hes like so 'wei da' n all?? argh.... aniway, i cried the whole time i watched the show yesterdae. it was abt [you] n [guang xi] breaking up..becoz [you] tot they were siblings.. so he lied abt being sick of [guang xi] n stuff.. the part abt the breaking up really hit me man.. everything seem so similar..i noe im being so stupid..afterall things have been so long ago le..but i still could like relate u noe.. n its totally heartbreaking. really. n it hurts. til now.
but i guess the hardest part has passed. n soon nothing will matter to me anymore.

(-ve)____|_X___(+ve)

whaever. i'll be fine.

yea..aniway, i slept til 10+ b4 i was awaken by my phone.. mrs ang called. n asked me to go for piano today.. ok lor.. she was smart enuff to look up the yellow page n helped me found a place wich does frames for puzzle. n a metal frame will cost like 50-60?? DAMN SHIT LEH! its even more ex than the puzzle itself. but.. for tt person...ok lar.. anyway, i haven started on the puzzle. cant bring myself to do it. dun wanna start crying or wha so ever. yea. so i found the place to make the puzzle frame. will go once i start n have completed the puzzle.

later on, went winnie's place to pass her the ang baos n the bag for beca. had lunch at her place n watched some korean show.

after tt, went to meet debbie. she gave me some sweets n this phone keychain n a bracelet. yea. nice stuff. thanks. she permed her hair yesterday. tot it would look funny.. but turn out not bad. yesh yesh. we took a few pictures n neoprint. not bad. quite nice. gotten wait for her to scan the neoprint n for my new cpu to come.. b4 i can post the pics. n now im her wallpaper.. haha..so weird.

we talked so much today man. n we walked everywhere just toking n not actually shopping.. haha.. had such a good luff over so many things. n i really think my brain is failing le.. i seem not to be able to remember a lot of stuff.. so somewhat like she refreshed my memory. she updated me abt she n yong xue.. said she confessed again. n re-told me abt the part tt yong xue told her tt he sometimes goes for tuition becoz of me..heh?? hahaha.. tt one really make me luff til i peng! mayb debbie is jealous of me bcoz he said tt.. hahaha.. no lar.. dun think she'll..then she told me tt she nao fan with sheena.. *sigh* dun bother abt her lar.. think shes just making a fuss..let her be.

we caught a movie. briget jones. ok lar.. the movie was soso.. hai hao..

then we walked to far east for chicken rice.. took neoprint..n had haagen daaz mango ice cream for dessert.. nice man. took pics posing with our ice cream? haha..so dumb.oh n i saw jun qi, valerie b tara. think only valerie saw me..but i just turn away.

i came back home n got nagged by ma. n i got real irritated. pls. im eighteen. not eight. u noe??! n stop thinking tt im so immature n stuff. i really can think on my own alrite!! n im matured enuff!!!n i really dun think im being too far lo. just leave me alone!!!u can lock me out of the hse for all i care!! ive got place to live in.

toking 2 muay fan now. toking abt jobs again. we 2 are jobless again! bloody shhit!!!! all thanks to tt stupid patrick! tmr we're gg to scream at him tmr. fuck man! n he made us lose the CPF job. FUCK!!!

m gg 2 watch tv later to distress..either si zi lu kou/vcd.

yesterday i was just so busy to even update man.

short recap of what happened yesterday.

i went for the job interview. yesh. with muay fan, becca n her friend, po lun. yesh. n we got the job lar.. working 14 days a mth. n the pay is 900+. so not too bad lar.

after tt i went back home to get my CPU with muay fan. she went with me to sim lim square. with ming hao. he decided to tagged along in the end. yesh. took a cab there.

n i carried the CPU all the way? my god. it was just plain heavy alrite? tmd!

yea, found bai baba's friend. n he explained stuff to me. decided to fix a totally new CPU. kinda cheap lar.. oni 780 bucks. yesh. ready by next week.

n i decided to kang the whole CPU back home again.. so tt i can use til the new one come? n i took bus home?? with tt heavy box?? SHIT!!! now i got bruises on my hands.

was damn tired lor!!!!

ma bot me lingerie.. nice.. satisfied. n the lady gave some tips. hahaha.. i shared with pet today le.. haha

then i came back home.. watched tv n stuff.. then xg called. told me stuff... i just listened to her. coz i was like watching vcd? hahaha... i watched from 10pm to like 3am? haha

this morning omost cannot wake up for piano lor.. somemore must go n collect the puzzle from muay fan b4 i go.

went for piano. n my skills really deproved alot lar.. damn paiseh.. my sight reading was so bad til...*sigh* dun say le.. n we spend quite abit of time trying to kill this mosquitoe in the room.. we would be toking 1/2 way, n we stopped n like stared at the mosquitoe b4 mrs ang go n smacked it? n she missed like 10 times?? damn lousy lor!!! n we toked abt singapore idol. haha

after tt went to meet pet in town. i was damn bloody early.. n was waiting at the station n making myself a victim for those pple seeling the charity tix. waited for like 20 mins b4 she turned up. then we went to makan ajisen [not sure of the spelling].. nice. n very filling.

went to get the tix for the school of seduction. yesh. then went shopping til leg cramp. haha. went isetan, taka, stadium, watson,wisma, paragon [where we tried rubbish clothes..til we dun dare to come out to let the other see? haha], Xcessories, lucky plaza, lido..

n the da shou huo for the day is we saw DSL!!!! at paragon. hahaha... we were watching this performance.. when pet said 'eh.. yaosheng' huh?? whus tt? i gave her a blank look. then i looked ard, for any familiar face. n b4 i knew anything, dsl was standing b4 mi.. n he was waving at me n said 'harlow sharon' oh harlow. shocked dao. HES SO DAMN HAO KAN NOW LOR!!!!! REALLY!!!! my god!!! Must trust me man! haiya... why is he with tt elephant??? n her dressing really cmi man! like some circus elephant!!!! hahahahahaha! Pet is sitting bside me, nodding in agreement.. hahahaha!
hai.. nv make use of the chance b4...when we were pretty close. zhou bao le!! but then he look so hao se.. n is so hao se tt me n pet call him da se lang..dsl in short. haha n he was smart enuff to break our code. haha.

went for the movie. im sad to say i really cant catch most of what was being said. my ang mo not good enuff. haha.. the show wasnt very nice. n got alot of hao se guys in the threatre.

then went pac plaza for the usual reason----restroom.

then went sun plaza to makan. n came home..finally got the digi cam from u.arron. hahaha!! so happy. n we took alot of nonsense photos haha.. n we pai advertisement! hahaha.. too paiseh to say what is it abt here.. haha..

ok, gg to watch my jui zi jiang nan hai. puzzle... wait for another day lar. haven even find the frame.

tmr is my long awaited date with debbie. so tts all for now.


(-ve)____|__X__(+ve)

i miss her quite abit today. certain things remind me of her. but its still manageable. pet suddenly asked me whu i wanna see if i can choose.. i was thinking in my heart, tt person is not in town.

(-ve)_____|____X_(=ve)

i miss her a great deal today.

maybe its becoz its her bdae today.

*sigh*

i finally finish my exams.. but im not tt happy abt it. if like ive been looking 4ward to todae for damn long.. n yet im really not exactly happy when it comes. damn sian.

not in the mood to write any further.

im just missing her ok.

anyway, tmr, i'll be sending my com for upgrading. yea. i dunnoe when it'll be back.

tt depends on when i can go n get it.

yesh.

think i'll watch tv now.

[ today is just the 1st day of the long long holidays.. n im starting to turn green...]

i sent the msg.

25 Nov 04 12.02am
From: kank

thanks girl..thanks.

___end___


at least she replied. unlike me..oops.


i care.. i do care for you..


when someone cares for you, he/she needs not show it.
when someone cares for you, he/she needs not say it.
but if u dun tell tt someone tt you care n love him/her,
you may regret it one day.

coz u may never get the chance again.


***if i ever die in any accident or what so ever, please ask my parents to check my locker n my wallet. n i trust them to be smart enuff to pass on the msg tt ive left behind to the appropriate recipents. i usually leave a message for those who i love n care for in this life.. n i carry it ard with me..in case i never get to say those words to them.

those words.
are the true tots buried deep down in me.

words.
that i truly wanna say to them.

words.
that i never have the courage to say.

I love you.

[to those who ever made it to my list]

[[ 12.16am ]]

**headache**

i wanna sleep.. but i cant sleep..
1) becoz of my headache.. the brain is like feeling so tight n strained.
2) bcoz of her.

i debated for very long as to whether i shld msg her happy bdae tonite. i tot not.. just post an entry on my blog will do. but then again, i changed my mind. n i pondered for so damn long again to think of what to msg.. yesh. so im just gg to gather all my courage later n just send the msg out.

i noe i just blew my top the other day.. getting real irritated n pissed off by her.. but well.. i think differently todae?

dun ask me how i feel about her.. dun ask me if ive gotten over everything.. coz basically for me, these answers changes everyday. i myself m tired of switching sides all the time.. i feel damn caught in the middle. its like i can like a person today.. think he/she is damn nice n stuff.. n tmr, its another story. suddenly he/she becomes damn irritaing. does this happen to other pple?? or isnt oni in my case i get so extreme? well.. for now..while i have yet to find a way to minimize the magnitude of my extreme polarity changes, pple just have to accept me for who i m.

true. when i get real irritated/pissed off, i just blared everything out.. i dun care. n i just want tt person far far away from me. just fuck off. its really at just tt 'crucial' moment u noe. then after tt..its like no big deal afterall..

n true. whaever ive said/done cant be reversed. who the hell would accept the sentence :'im sorry.. im just being too chong dong just now" all the time? once or twice is alright. but multiple times? i myself cant accept it. dun tok abt others.

i do regret my actions n words. but i dun see a point in saying sorry especially when i feel so strongly abt it at tt moment. n its exactly what im feeling at tt moment. apologizing all the times doesnt help. its not tt i dun feel sorry at all.. really. i do.

22 more minutes to go.

obviously most of my above para is directed to her. i noe shes not happy with me. but i cant do anything abt it. i dun wanna do it anithing abt it. theres nothing to do abt it. things go the same for me. im not happy with her either. yea. so 2 dumb ass can be unhappy with each other w/o confronting each other.
yesh.

honestly, i try my best to make myself unhappy with her. in this way.. life is easier for me.. really..

ive come up with a indication of how i feel abt her. yesh. n will be updated in my entries.
it works like a see saw. one end would be (-ve), meaning tt i dun wanna have anything to do with her.
the other would of coz be (+ve), meaning tt i miss her alot n long for her. the tilting magnitude would change as my mood changes. duh?

so here goes my 1st see saw.




(-ve)_____|___X__(+ve)


innovative huh?

in this way, i dun have to put down in words to remind myself how i feel for the day/moment.

13 minutes more.

well.. think i shld go brush up n stuff. im ready for bed once ive completed my mission.

yesh.

happy birthday dear.

[[ 11.48pm ]]

had physics p3 today. its unofficially my last paper. self declared one.. i dun exactly intend to study for design tmr.. its damn stoopid.

after the paper, i went tpy to meet xg. oh! meet my new friend xg! pretty nice ger.. can communicate quite well.. though we may misunderstand each other sometimes.

wha piang. she really dun seems to have any sense of direction lor.. my god. can even get lost in typ. faint! was waiting n waiting for like 20 mins? as thinking later i deng bu dao xg, deng dao another person. heng nv lar. finally went to call her. i din bring my phone todae. coz of ming hao. somemore have to have me go n 'pick' her up from where she was.. coz she was simply lost? -_-"""

then we went to makan.. the food at the place she recommend dun seem to look very appettizing..but it taste pretty alright lar..

we wanted to go causeway to watch movie. then tt stpid woman. wanna eat tori q? so we went to j8 instead. n guess what? we din even eat tori q in the end. n ended up spending 9 bucks on a totally gross neoprint?? we were really totally blur man! the thing went like this, we took like 6 shots.. n after tt we were suppose to cross out the pictures tt we dun wan printed. n we tot we were supposed to cross out the ones tt we wan? ya. so all the decent photos got crossed out. n left 2. n 1 with me unprepared at all?? -_-""" yesh. tt was damn irritating.

n we decided to take another one. coz the 1st one was totally gross. for the 2nd one, we picked a machine tt speaks in chinese. so it wasnt too bad. at least it wasnt blabbering in jap. n the pictures turn out rather nice.

after all those walking up n down the mall, i was really feeling damn dizzy le lor. went for shark tale.
nice. i felt so overaged in the threate. with so many kids everywhere.

came home.. excited abt ming hao's grades. kaoz. he got 253 lo.. tmd! then he yaya papaya lar.. ma is gg to get him a hp. he wanna go anderson with yong cang.. but i hate tt sch! it sucks lor.. i mean just look at those pple coming from there.. so managed to persuade him to go cat high. no.. sort of force him to go cat high.

n just now he was showing off again to bai baba?? keep talling him tt hes in special stream n i was in express stream?? whaever..

I'M JEALOUS!!!!! haha!

[[ 11.24pm ]]

my god! i almost went to her blog lor!!

i wanted to go to mine..to link to eden's one.. i guess its becoz the front part of the web address..

luckily i stopped in time.

i still think of her.. but hai hao lar.. si bu liao.. i wont say they are very positive tots.. or very negative tots..

today's mood: neutral towards her.

yesh. so things are exactly that extreme today.

*sigh* i dunnoe what to say.. ive got things to say.. but i dunnoe how to put them down in words. yesh.

anyway, i saw ben yest morning. he was kinda far away for me to like say hi. u dun expect me to shout out his name in public rite? tts totally embarrassing man.

n saw winifred yest oso.. so damn paiseh lor.. before i could even register whus tt, she waved n said hi n i just oh harlow..n we just went our separate ways.

really very short of time le man. most prob will start work next week with muay fan. after that i really wont be free except at nite n on weekends..

tmr after phys, i'll go n meet someone for movie. shark tale most likely.. havent watch tt show.. identity is kept a secret for now.. haha. i dun care abt the design paper on thurs. its a total waste of time man.

then thurs morning i'll go sunya's place to do some stuff be gg to sch. yesh.

fri i'll be gg for the job interview in the morning. im still wondering if i shld wait for tt desmond to contact me. see how 1st lar.. in the afternoon shall go sim lim square with MOMO. if my bro wanna tag alone, so be it.

as for sat there will be my piano lesson in the morning!!! YIPEE!!! finally!!!!!!!!! i really deproved a lot le.. think sat, mrs ang is so gg to get a shock man! then probably meet pet in the afternoon..then go shopping n probably shop til our legs give way..then catch a movie at nite.. she wanna watch 'birth'.. told her tt reviews abt tt show isnt actually very fantastic..but she keeps insisting tt she wanna watch it.. ok then.. so long as its not some horror movie can le.. then she will come over my place.

as for sunday, im not too sure of the plans.. probably ask GYM out for dinner or sth like tt.. depends if shes free.. or probably she wld wanna rest after being so busy with holidays, chalet n her ballet performance.. if not i'll go get the digi cam from u.aaron. he better bring it back from his office. if not im gg to kill him man!!! oh! or prob i can ask ma to get it from him on sat. n tt reminds me, i must msg him n remind him.

if the interview goes smoothly..most prob. mon onwards i will have no life. -_-"" nvm.. got money can le.. still got weekends. yesh yesh. mayb will arrange the sleepover with pet n rj next wk.. see how things go..wait. i think next wk pet leaving for genting. not too sure.

[[ 6.44pm ]]

i actually rote sth mean n unpleasant.. but i deleted them all away. coz snow white said that im being too mean. n too bi-polar. true.

let me start again. n put things nicely.

firstly. i wanna make it clear that i dun expect any response from anyone whenever i blog. when i post an entry, im like emptying my tots. not trying to communicate with any one who views my blog. im just recalling stuff n basically toking to myself. get?

yesh.

i din go to her blog. but someone read out the message she posted for me. tears flowed. i tot they were tears of sadness. but i guess now, they were oso tears of disappointment n anger.

i cant remember what was being narrated over the phone. just a few points here n there. n im not gg to view the blog.

today's mood is that i dun wan to have anything to do with her.

i got real pissed off by her. yesh. n all those extra energy liberated was put into good use. i packed my all my notes except for physics. they r still lying everywhere on my table.

i wrote down the messages she sent in that 'leaf' book tt she gave me for my bdae. n deleted each n everyone of them afterwhich. i got real tired of writing, so i gave up 1/2 way. i'll continue another day. i packed most of the stuff that reminds me of her away in that locker of mine. true, i was real angry. but at least i wasnt irrational to tear every single photo of hers.

im still thinking about the puzzle. im not sure if i would do it.

i just wanted to throw everything at her.

oh well.

im tired. if shes out to ruin my life, she has succeeded. the damage she has done is more than enough. her aim has been achieved. yesh. so stop everything. just stick to her papaya, lpg, tt jocelyn n whoever it may be.

i dun give a damn.

i noe theres a possibility tt she'll feel hurt after reading this. but i dun give a damn.

there have been many sacrifices being made for her. just that she doesnt see it. nor noe it. n most probably will never. but still these sacrifices are still being made with efforts put in. i really think ive given enough. n i dun care if she noes if or feels it or not. as long as i noe ive put in efforts.

true. she may be making sacrifices which i dont noe of. but? i dunnoe.

anyhow, i make it clear right now that sins CANT be atoned. n no matter how you blame yourself for hurting me or reflect or what so ever..

i'll never forgive you.

.never.

[[ 11.45pm ]]

oh.. n now im starting to really detest it when pple suck up to me.

relapse. relapse. relapse.

now i noe why i wanna hibernate.

coz i dun wanna spend time thinking of her. i dun wanna spend time thinking of stuff. i dun wanna spend time recalling stuff.

so the only solution?

sleep.
sleep.
and sleep.

no brain work involved.

n the best part is i dun even dream of her now.

yesh.

its been ten days since she msged me. the last contact.

i din contact her at all. i dunnoe what to say to her. i dun wanna start begging or what so ever again. i dun wanna start crying again.

true, i admit i do feel like crying over her at times, bt i would just force myself to change my focus n stopped myself at the teary eyes stage.

but im not sure if tts a good thing. coz sometimes i do feel that things would be so much better if i just let everything out instead of bottled up.

now its like im just supressing everything. ive learnt what she wanted me to - to not cry when things are hard.

ive learnt how to supress those awful feelings n tots deep in me. is that healthy?

n im just waiting for time to pass by. praying that the statement 'time will heal everything' is true.

pple tell me that. but how true is it? ive got no idea til i go thru it.

after peggy told me tt theres no point in doing things tt i used to do, ive cut all contacts with her.

i no longer read her blog. for omost a mth. theres no point in reading. i'll probably kill myself by thinking what she meant in all those entries, n guessing who are those new pple in her life. i dun wanna noe a crap.

i repeat i DUN WANNA noe a crap.

occasionally im reminded of her by some pple.. tts kinda irritating.. like ruining my plan n tempting me. they tell me this n that. n expect me to noe whats going on n whu's this so n so. im like how i noe?? -_-"" all those stuff that i learnt abt her are like provided by u. n u fan guo lai ask me. abit the funny rite?

esp when they tell me tt they infer tt shes not been doing well n stuff, i'll wonder the entire day whats wrong with her? is she alrite n stuff. n i really have the urge to msg her. i dont in the end simply becoz ive got no guts to. not becoz i dun wan to. deep down somewhere, i really still care a lot for her. just that i dun show it.

at the end of the day when i get real drained by all these tots, i have to force myself to be convinced by the theory tt she doesnt need me. she has got a whole lot of other pple to care for her. i'll just be another insiginificant person. so i dun make a difference. i dunnoe if tts the truth. but this theory makes my life easier to go on. though it hurts.

ever when my friends mention abt her [as in her name] i dun even associate her with the name. to me, shes somebody else. n her name sounds so distant n unfamiliar to me. im just not used to it. n never will i guess.

honestly, i cant really remember how she looks like now. dun tok abt photos. i cant recall exactly. its kinda scary. but i guess its good for me.

i dunno if ive gotten over her. im bi-polar. at this moment, im happy tt shes no longer a part of my life. n just seconds later, im practically dying to have her back. its like..im not even sure what im thinking n feeling. the polarity keeps changing. how fast or how slow, i cant determine. its not changing at a constant rate. its just like having swings. they come n go just like that.

nobody can understand what im going through. not even myself. but true, i understand myself the best. but still? so what if i understand myself well? so what if i understand whats the best for the situation right now? to understand n to do things is totally different things. easier said than done.

today i was thinking thru stuff again. n i realised that even when we were just friends, as in when i treated her as a friend, she was a special friend to me. i dunnoe why. just this rapport/attraction i guess. i was never, never ever so concerned abt losing a friend to someone else. really. n the extent i went to wan jiu the friendship. tt friendship was only a few months old. not even pet whom i shared 6 yrs of friendship. i never tot i would cry discreetly at home or in front of her over so trivial stuff..at the point in time. n honestly, at that time, i dun even think we were til the extent of good friends. just buddies in the clique. i tot everything was amazing.

n the amt of tears i shed when she said she was dropping out of sch. nobody was sad abt her leaving. everyone was wishing her the best n stuff.. only i was crying in class..i remembered it was the break before gp. in the T block. T25 i think. n the whole time my face was tilted to the partition on my right. i think i even went out of the classroom to cry coz i couldnt contorl myself. if i remembered correctly, jessica saw me crying. n it was totally embarrassing. i felt like a total ass. luckily during gp, we had some grp work. n i was assigned to sit somewhere far away from her. i felt tt it was good. i dun wanna sit bside her n having her noe tt i was crying coz shes leaving. but even when we were sitting far apart, occasionally when we glanced at each other, i would just quickly look away. coz as ive said, i felt totally embarassed. n i tried to pretend notthing happened, luffing with chong wen n 2 other i dunnoe whu for the rest of the gp lesson.

i was real touched when she stayed on til term ends. she let me noe that it bcoz of me. i dunnoe if its totally becoz of me, or partially becoz of me. but i was touched n glad. at least for then i wont be buddyless in the cliquen left hanging in mid air. i mean i've got to find some pair to bump ard. n b4 i even really bump, just testing only, i made yinjia so upset over the whole thing. i felt so bad about straining xf n her friendship. so i decided to reduce the intensity n try to be alone. or just bump ard.. whuever oso doesnt matter.

later on i found out that she went for the laos trip for me as well. she dun wanna fang my fei ji. n besides shes got her big plans. stupid ass. the trip wasnt good anyway. i always tell yinjia tt im going to declare cold war with her.. just becoz of tt stupid papaya. hate her like anithing. even had one entry in my journal fucking her from head to toe for two solid pages.[ she asked to read my journal for a few times, but i rejected coz of the fucking papaya thingy] aniway, the cold war was nv a success. with us just auto making up at nite n starting the whole thing when kevin/cavin wakes us up with his nonsense abt snowing outside or crowing n stuff.

*take deep deep breathe*

thinking of all these is real painful...

i better go n sleep now. its the only remedy. its the only way i can 'numb' myself. n stop myself from thinking further.

like peggy says, theres no point. theres no point looking back. theres no point missing her [she doesnt even noe].

so whats the point?

n so how?

SLEEP.

i'll msg pet til i fall aslp..toking abt the stayover n stuff.

tmr will be a better day.

[[ 11.35pm ]]

i blogged at ard 11+ this morning, saying tt i'll study my econs n stuff.. haha.. i just started studying at like 9.30? n its not 10.18? forget it. i dun care animore.

ive already started my plan le. immed. hibernate.

idle the afternoon away.

how great.

i'll go n continue with my plan after im done.

woke up pretty early this morning.. must be becoz i slpt early last nite.

dreamt of some rubbish.. i cant remember what.

tmr's econs paper... must go n read up.. if not tmr really can bring in a die n throw 30 times man.. itzz 30? i think.. *sigh* i dun even noe how many question are there... so much for econs.. wait. i think its 40. ya..shld be 40. i think.

better read up on theory of firm for mcq.. i dunnoe a crap abt it.. tiny bit oso dun have..

n stupid shit! the drumming has started again!! n i really got no idea where it is from!!!!! argh!!!!!
i really think its from the sec sch lor.. go away!!

yest my bro told me abt this friend of his. tt friend is called wei feng. yesh. n he opened a club. i dunnoe abt type of club. i guess its those like friends club. yesh. n most of the class r in his club la. n guess what? if u wanna be a member of tt club, uve got to tell tt wei feng whu u like? -_-""""" kids nowadays....*shake head* ji wu liao yi xia.

im off to bathe le.. feeling damn hot. later MUST study!! cannot sleep!!

yea! debbie coming back today.. happy happy. you ren pei le.

n snow white saes she can be discharged tmr. gdgd.

*note:
latest plan: hibernate after exams.

tired. super duper hyper tired.

just came home from movie few mins ago. watched the incredibles. yea..not bad. all thanks to nerd cow's free tix. haha.

i dun actually like to be shoved around by so many pple in town.. think its really damn eee.. tt type of life is not for me. for now. i dun like it. n i think its damn wu liao. yesh.

at any point in time, when i think of certain things, i'll always take note, n remember to blog it down. yesh.. remembered this afternoon i was thinking about how i hate it when pple just ask me do this n that. its like ordering me ard. i totally detest it. dont order me around. if i wanna do it, i will do it on my own accord. i hate it when pple tell me what to do. i dun wan that. i dun wanna be a dog man. once in a while, its okay. but if this particular person keeps telling me what to do, i'll get super annoyed.

yesh. i say again.

I HATE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO!

my lips feel damn dry.. must be the pills. the dr did warn me of dry lips.. dun mistake me as eugene's version of dry lips. tts totally gross.

was thinking of reading thru econs notes.. but right now im just not in the mood to do it. i wanna sleep.

goody nite.

i miss you. *wink wink*

oh.. n i saw him on thurs. quite happy. haha.

i had a long long talk with muay fan todae. never before.. yeah..i learnt quite a few things.. n some 'concepts' are sort of re-emphasized. ive got no idea how im gg to put it down in words though.

really.

she told me this particular person suck up to me n that that person likes me. yesh. i din even realise that. haha. ermz..actually got pple wan to suck up to me?? im surprised. really.

though it may seems to be a nice feeling.. on the surface.. sometimes it gets kinda scary you noe.. especially when the person gets too close to you til you just freaked out or just get fan gan n stuff.. yesh.

its good to keep some distance apart at times.

yesh.

oh, we're toking abt jobs. yea. gg to start asap. though ive made a pact to search for jobs together with pet n xf, its really hard to make a compromise. really. afterall, we live in like totally different areas? so muay fan would be the best choice.. n we've sort of mutally agreed to 'stick' together.. its really a whole lot more convenient.

oh, todae i finally went to see the dr. yesh. very cheap lar.. 87 bucks only.. -_-""" big hole in the pocket man.

after that took bus from hougang to tpy. so it passed by this bus stop. as i was approaching it, it was ard 6.40? n i tot.. shit maybe...maybe..i would see that person.. what if she gets up the bus.. oh oh..really can feel my heart beating damn fast.. when the bus stopped at tt stop, i found myself scanning the crowd tt got up the bus.. then i realise she has school todae. *phew* n disappointed. but..more of relieved.

muay fan was damn funny lor.. we sort of keep thinking that sylvester will be out todae.. n she sort of noe tt she wont be able to take tt 'harsh' reality.. so she chose to go lib to read storybooks til 9pm? so tt she'll miss the results show?? haha.. crazy lor..

in the afternoon, jessica asked muay fan to vote for sylvester.. n said tt she will vote for olinda.. huh?? why u like tt mamasan? so damn gross lor.. hahaha..but her reason was damn funny.. coz whuever she votes for will get out. hahaha.. it happened for jeassea, candice n maia. wonder if she really did vote for olinda tonite..

in the end sylvester made it. good good.
at least tt mamasan is rid of.

just went to yong xue's blog.. n he has this test thing.. gg to add it to my blog. i'll try.

after the test, the 'program' declared me 'down-to-earth' yesh.

this is what it says.
You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.


thinks its pretty interesting n true to a certain extent.






I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.



its raining now.. perfect weather to sleep. just check a few more stuff online n i'll be off for chess.. tmr will be the incredibles day.. not actually very excited now.. this week has been damn stressful..n im not exactly in the mood for a movie. just wanna spend time alone.. but since i promised, i shld go..

*take deep breath*

Things arent actually improving at an acceptable rate.

you are still a huge part of me.

and that part..

cant be removed by anyone..

except me.

n im still keeping you in me.

early this morning was really unproductive man.. keep falling aslp.. think altogether i only slept like 2 hrs?

whaeva.

physics is over!!!! at least for 2 papers.

but im totally dead tired. my god. n was running a fever in the morning.. feeling so damn cold n stuff.. n never liu ban di han since i went to school in the morning..

came home n slept.. feel pretty okay now..

but im still tired.

i dun feel like doing anything at all. at all.

dont feel like gg hougang mall tmr..im just too lazy.

din watch spore idol.. its getting kinda of irritating.. im totally grossed out by tt mamasan. faint. nvm.. tmr morning then watch it..i recorded it.

never study a crap since physics.. tmr chem gg to ling chang biao xian again.. really can go in n just break out into laughters man..

5 more papers.

reaching the end le.

cant wait for things to be over man.

actually dun feel like gg for the movie on sat coz very tired.. but hai.. nvm.. juz go.. cannot fang nerd cow de fei ji. yesh.

i think after blogging, im off to sleep again.. tired n bored. as if ive got nothing that im suppose to do.

whaeva.

had a mental breakdown.

yesh.. after all those pressure n stress building up on me subconsiously..

everything was just so irritating n fucking crap.

i was so damn worn out when i came back home todae.. its like 1.5hr of chem. n then say approx 3 hrs of intense econs?? everything cramped up in that dman tired brain of mine?

crap.

the whole exams sucks.

n im just a tiny winy more than 1/2 way thru. bloody hell. still got like 7 more papers?? n ive got no idea how im going to get pass physics this time round. ARGH!!!!!! I WANNA DROP EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

n i hate it when pple do actually what rebecca tay did to me.. its damn bloody irritating. stop asking me questions!! i dun wanna answer any of them. just shuddup! really cant stand it man.

tot ive finally gotten rid of her, when another person popped out.. or rather a few replicas popped out?

my patience is running out alright??

im damn tired. im damn drained. im super easily irritated by the slightest thing now. mayb partly bcoz my sister is coming to visit me sometime next week.

argh!

just leave me alone!!!! to those rebecca tay's replicas.

crap.

after today at 11.15am, i would have survived the worst of the entire exams. tmr will be no sweat. but now..is a whole lot of sweat!

think im not sleeping tonite.
just to pia physics.

ive got no mood for anything now man. except for sleep.

actually wanted to sleep from 8 to 9.15 yesterdae. but couldnt. bai baba came home n there was this whole lot of commotion.. wha the hell?? then they watched tv n stuff..turn up the volume so damn loud n luffing like they r in the asylum..

couldnt take it anymore. went out n scream at them. think they shocked dao.

seeing bai baba tonite hurts me like crap. tt stupid man injured himself the day before. sth abt the screw hitting his eye.. n now his right eye is like entirely red? totally red? scared the hell out of me man. its hurts becoz hes working so hard for the family. argh! please be more careful. i beg you.

came back in to my room, lay down in bed, thinking of how much physics notes ive got to digest.. think there r over 25 sets? thinking how m i going to survive til 11am? thinking of bai baba..as i lay in bed, i saw the photo frame tt ive moved from the 1st shelf to the second. i saw this orange you n everything tt have been piling up just collapse.. i couldnt take it anymore.. feel better after crying like mad..

where the hell are you when i need you???

why the hell did you leave when ive become of dependent on you????


i will never know.

whatever!

back to errors n uncertainties.

this is getting damn irritating.

what the fuck man..

y itzz tt everybody thinks shes damn bei n everything?? what abt me?

true, i appear to be so heck care in front of pple, but what abt the true me? m i really tt unbothered abt whats happening ard me?

no.

MOMO still ask me to go n an wei ta..

-_-"""

pls.. was she there to an wei wo when im feeling so dman bloody low??

no.

so why shld i be there for her?

anyway, its getting like peggy says dan lian.. obviously she got other pple to care for her.. she chose to. so now its you mei you wo doesnt make any difference. why shld i b throwing myself at her.. n asking 'how r u getting on?' wo shi yao mian zhi de!! wo bu shi bu yao lian de..

stop stressing me up like tt!! please..

u're stressing me indirectly.. n im letting you go on n do it..

im feeling so dman bloody tortured. n its draining me out mentally!!!!

if she's not having a great time, whats makes you think i am?

ni2 yi2 wei2 wo3 guo4 de4 hen2 hao3 ma1??

no.

definitely no.

my life is in such a mess now. no doubt ive got no time to sort if out now coz of exams, but im afraid to as well.

fuck man.

n i dun agree with piniu's theory of a big big heart with a big big space to accomodate alot of pple. this theory is out. way way out.

to think i was actually really considering the idea of asking her how is she.. i must be mad.

conclusion. peggy says hao ma bu chi hui to cao [or chao, i dunnoe]!!!

i must be firm n wave off all the temptations. the route has been set by her. i'll walk on. the right path. not the wrong!

im a hao ma. so..i dun eat hui to cao!!!!

feelings ____ emotions

|sexy| |seven|

|scared| |freaked out| |stressed|

|disappointed|

|empty| |kong xu|

|unforgettable| |longing| |confused|
|awaiting| |waiting| |waiting|
|wondering|

|miss| |miss| |miss|

|shhh..| |shhh..| |shhh..|
|shhh..| |shhh..| |shhh..|
|shhh..|

happenings:

|sleep| |sleep| |sleep|

|sick| |headache| |uncomfortable|
|stomach|

|bored| |irritated|

|study| |bathe| |eat|

|porridge| |chee chong fan| |squid|

|phone| |yinjia| |xue feng|

|maths| |easier| |jm|

|email| |sunya|

|sgh| |hospitalised|

|download| |songs| |an jing|
|emb|

|walk| |bus|

|piglet cake| |car| |javier|

|money| |digi cam| |u.alvin|
|u.aaron|

|economics| |chem|

|N6670|

[[ Love ]]

Chocolates are not only romantic, they're complimentary. When you give a box of chocolates to your beloved, it says, "You could pig out on this tub of lard and bloat out to three tons, but you'd still be the apple of my eye."

Samuel Stoddard

[[ Love ]]

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours forever. If it flies away, it was never yours to begin with.

Chinese proverb

[[ Destiny ]]

No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place

- Zen saying

having gastric.. n it hurts like mad..

this sucks man.

really tong dao wo bu qing bu zhu man..

gg to puke le man..

n yet ive got to come online to check out the photo MOMO has edited for me..

she sent 7 versions.. i like 5.. but then... wha piang!! if u asked me to make it into a puzzle n assemble them..i think i might as well go n die.. its gg to be dman challenging lor.. *faint*

how?? i dun think can finish it in 2 days. not even sure if pet can come over n stay not..okay.. she says okay.. n even suggested tt i go over her place n do.. OH YA!! think tt will be a better idea.. if not later ma gg to suspect that theres sth going on again.. not tt it wasnt true.. but then..i just dun wan her to noe anything.

k, ive made up my mind. i'll camp over at pet's place til i complete the puzzle. yesh. btw the time nerd cow is back from genting, i must be done with the puzzle!

JIA YOU!!!!!!

no matter how challenging its gg to be, i must do it!! i must prove to others tt i can conquer 275 pc!! n i must have patience!!!!!!!!!!!!

cant wait to start work man!

come to think of it..theres a high possibility tt the puzzle would become abit sloggy after im done with it.. i try my best not to stare at the photo too much.. later the ink will run.. like what nerd cow says..

im gg to go n develop the photos tmr.. yesh!

*sigh*

if it was possible, i really wanna blow up the pic til sae 10R? or even make it into a puzzle for myself.. but..its impossible to hang tt in my room.. so disappointed......

i better go n slp le.. the pain is killing me.

for now, my passion is in music. yesh.

i dun mind practising 24/7.. as long as nobody complains..

feel like installing the system that requires u to put on the earphone while practising.. in this way, i can really have my own world man.. but.. need money.. n im not too sure if my piano is suitable for the system.. n what if that system hampers the sound quality of my piano.. probably will check tt thing out one day.. when ive got the money.

money is such a big problem.. if i had the money, i wouldnt have gone for jc.. i would probably gone overseas to study music..england?

i honestly wanna major in music.. regardless of how not talented i m..yesh. really. no kidding.

but.. firstly, i dun see a point in studying music in spore. think it sucks.

n secondly..i dun think i would have much future in it.. unless im some big shot.. well..tts totally out..

everytime ma or anyone ask me what course i wanna take in the uni, i would say i dunnoe.. its not becoz i dunnoe.. its becoz for now, i only wanna take music.. n its kinda impossible to sae that to them.. its either i get those weird weird looks or those laughters.. but im really serious abt it.

pple just dont get it.. i mean it does sound a bit ridiculous to wanna make music ur career.. n im not even tokin abt pop music..or singing.. im toking abt performing..

ever dream of being part of an ochestra.. think its damn cool boy..or even having a concert..i think tt type of feeling is damn wonderful..

n think that mastering the different ways of expressing a piece is so very exciting..finger techniques are really hard to master..tts the challenge in it.

each time mrs ang says ive done this right, it just makes me so damn happy.. especially tt day when she commented abt my aural.. haha.. said i was not bad in this particular segment.

but...

this dream is so hard to fulfil....i dun even have faith in myself..dun think im able to overcome all those obstacles.

can hardwork make up for talent in music?

dear dear..

goodnite, sleep tight, sweet dreams, see you in the morning light, i love you.

love love love love love love...
b.b.d.b

i think i just read the blog of my ex-neighbour. i think..not very sure. how funny it is.. i dun even noe him as a friend after so many yrs living there.

oh n nerd cow got a metal bookmark for me. haha.. its the alphabet j. haha. good good.

finally done with printing.. my printer oso lao le.. make so much noise n work so slowly.. *sigh*

n i finally can sms freely again!!! hahaha..so happy!

debbie's going beijing today.. lucky girl. she says she has a ballet performance on the 26th.. wow..

my god. now chengyi come n tell me he got send the html code to my mail box.. heh? nv receive lor.. shit.. luan ma ta..oops.

i was wondering why shifu msged me.. now i think he's going to ask mi if ive gone to hougang mall le.. hai.. still dare msg me. nv help me the other time.. just disappeared into thin air..tot he fainted in punggol park. stupid boy. later im going to suan zhang with him when hes back form his jog.

today was another eeeee day..

*hmph* when will these type of days be over??!!

had a scary dream in the afternoon.. dreamt that me n this other girl[i cant remember whu..but i noe i noe her.. think its darling strawberry] married this guy. yesh. the same guy. n this guy got this mad brother. n he kept chasing after me n darling strawberry.. literally running after us. my god. n ive got no idea why the two of us were so scared of him. n we just kept running coz the moment we stopped, he'll appear right b4 us. so imagine. the entire time i was sleeping, i was running in zhou yuan.well. sprinting i think.

when i woke up, i was kinda breathless.. really.

anyway, by that time, ma n ming hao was dressing up to go to qiqi's bdae party. ma is super hiao!!! my god. she thinks she the main character today man.. changed her clothes for like 6, 7 times lor.. my god..

actually wanted to ask ming hui if shes going.. but aiya, lei chey.. so forget it.. stay at home.

printed two sets of prelim chem paper 2. must do! just two sets only.

cooked dinner.. as usual spagetti. tts the only thing i noe. coz its super simple. boil the spagetti, heat up the ready-made sauce, meatballs n crabsticks. done. i added an egg today. hahaha.. tot of the times when she always asked me what i cooked for dinner.. spagetti sounds good. but so easy to prepare. she asked me to cook for her.. but she doesnt noe that the reason i reject her request is becoz i think its damn pai seh to only noe how to cook that.. confirm will make her go:'chey.. i oso noe' yea.

toked to MOMO over dinner. she called. when i was washing up, nerd cow called. surprised. tot what happened. she doesnt usually call me.

then ma, bai baba they all came home. n ma was narrating to us abt fang ping's successful kp plan.. *phew* heng i nv go...

dunnoe why, bai baba seems funny todae. he kept asking ming hao to walk/take bus to sun plaza with him to buy papers. he nv does tt b4. ming hao was too lazy, so i went in his place. we walked out together. its the 1st time after sooo many yrs tt i went for a stroll with him.. n we certainly toked a lot of crap on the way.. n he's really BHB!!! haha.. it runs in the genes.. hahaha.

tmr, hes going to bring me for breakfast. says this particular kway chap store damn nice.. good good. i love kway chap!

oh, i just realised wee ming lived in sembawang..i saw him when i was walking to sun plaza.

came home, watched the incredible tales...slightly scary..

gg to print sth later on.. n nerd cow msged me n asked if im interested in watching the incredibles next sat! of coz!!! she has got free tix!! hahahaha.. yea man!! i'll make sure i go next sat! somemore im going to super broke after the making tt jigsaw puzzle..we have a date next sat nerd cow! *beam*

oh theres this photo which i tot was nice..n wanted to make it into the puzzle.. but.. but.. heng ting happened to be in the backgrd!!!!!! n shes spoiled tt pic!! now im counting on MOMO to edit the photo..to see if she can get hengtin out of the picture..

oh well, if cant, its alrite..can always use the other pic ive chosen.

20 mins more to sunday.. tmr is 14th nov. tmr, i'll get to restart my phone sms counter. n tmr will mark the 1st mth after the 'breakup'.

*takes a deep deep breath*

im doing fine. n im going to be fine.

yea.

oh ma says that sexy is smelly.. hui mei? i dun think so leh.. aiya.. no matter how smelly she is, shes still my lovable sexy babe.. *grin*

8+ this morning my bro came n wake me up..

brrr...

seems like every sat, he'll come into my rrom n ask me if i wanna eat maggi mee/cup noodles..

no..i dun wanna have any breakfast..

n i cant afford to keep eating maggi mee/cup noodles.. im so scared tt i'll suffer hair loss.. honestly man.

i dun wanna go bald patches on my head ok?

dun keep coming to ask me le..

went back to slp n just woke up.

woke up with hiccups. -_-"""

oh, tt showering gel that me n pet bot rite, is kinda effetive.. i dun mean drastic changes.. but well.. the two of us bot it w/o expecting it to work.. so.. ya..its kinda effective..tones up ur 'fats'.. hahaha..

im gg to ask piniu to come over n stay on the 27th.. hope she can man.. can pei wo while i assemble the puzzle..actually theres another reason behind it.. well..shall not say it now..

*sigh* another sucky day...

SAVE ME!!!!!!

sex is a subset of love.

love is not a subset of sex.

sex isnt everything.

love is everything.

sex isnt about a passion of moment.

it is about responsibility for self and others and love.

you can get sex out of love.

but you cant get love out of sex.

i dunnoe why ive been thinking alot about iye this two days..well..actually i dunnoe how many days it is...whaeva it is..its just from that nite iye msged..

i dun mean to not look forward to her msg..

i dunnoe.. im confused.

i dunnoe.. i really dunoe..

i guess i still love iye alot.

don't ask me what i like abt iye..

coz i dunnoe.
its just the things are..
its just the way i feel..

is this called love??

i dunnoe.

seems to have very slight riots yesterdae morning..

it doesnt hurt..

it just makes me feel uncomfortable..

i guess my people are slow and laggy..only start rioting..ok..its peaceful demostration..after elections..

think they lagged by 1 wk+ le..

went to MOMO's place this morning..

yea..got those stuff tt i wan done..great..
then we had lunch n checked out the price of the puzzle.. its damn bloody ex.. n MOMO's maths ji bang yi xia.. *shake head*

the puzzle is A2 size..with frame is 75 bucks..yea.i dun mind paying for tt..n i dun mind doing the 408pc puzzle..but i just dun like the colour of the frame.. its either dark blue/light blue/ white.. i tot it kinda dun suit the picture tt im gg to use.

yea.

sort of have choosen the sepia one..

yinjia helped me check out the price at hougang mall.. its 52 bucks for an A3 size one (275 pc) n a brown coloured frame.. she says the frame isnt tt bad looking.. MOMO says a brown frame would suit the pic.. yea..so quite confirm tt im making a trip down to hougang mall next fri after chem paper..

its really a lot of fuss.. my god.. i cant believe im doing all these..

but i guess its worth it.

n im not expecting anything in return..really.

then i came back to sembawang to develop the photos..yea..was tired by then le..

went home jiu slp.. i dun care if im dirty or what so ever.. just slp..

when i woke up, i toked to snow white for a while. then went sun plaza to collect the photos..

i was walking to the bus stop n looking at the pics.. looking at the photos sort of ripped open the wound tt ive carefully, slowly stitched back..

tears almost flow..but i quickly shoved the photos back into the paper bag.

i just like this photo of her staring at i dunnoe what..yea.. n its tt photo tt can make me cry..

i dun wanna think abt it now..

things are over.. OVER...

get?? WAKE UP!!!

O-V-E-R!

OVER!!!

stop ur nonsense n wake up!!!!!!!

this blogskin is really giving me a whole lot of problems.. its sucks!

it seems to be having mood swings man..

i edit til damn pek chey le!

whaever..

im sorry...but i honestly got no intention to change the colour of the words.. coz i really dun like the pink..yea..

so just make do with it.. n highlight the whole para..it makes reading lots easier to read.. yea.

from an forward email:

[[ ONE ]]
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

* if everyone is able to accomplish that, the world would be a much better place. n its kinda terrifying imagining tt..


[[ TWO ]]
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.

* this is kinda common sense.. obviously i wouldnt marry a man who i dun love to tok to..if tts the case..i wouldnt even love to tok to him about marriage.


[[ THREE ]]
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

* i like the part about sleep all you want. n im already spending all that i have..abt not beliving all you hear..well...certain things are just hard to filter..


[[ FOUR ]]
When you say, "I love you", mean it.

* i do mean it when i say 'i love you'. at least in my own definition.. probably its just that the other party dun blieve it..well..i guess i dun blieve the other party as well...*shrugs*


[[ FIVE ]]
When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

* sometimes when i apologise, its becoz its the right thing to do. not becoz i mean it.


[[ SIX ]]
Believe in love at first sight.

* i dont.


[[ SEVEN ]]
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt
but it's the only way to live life completely.

* im pretty much a person who thinks that love makes the world goes wrong. yes. so definitly will love deeply and passionately. n i agree that you might get hurt.


[[ EIGHT ]]
Spend some time alone.

* true. to reflect about your own life.

according to jiarui's dictionary:

to miss someone means:

to long for someone both physically and mentally..
to desire for someone's presence..
to think of someone..

and tonite.. like any other night..

i'm missing you..

this is really crazy..

im always the last person in this family to sleep everynite..or shld i sae every morning..

n every single nite w/o fail..the peh family members execpt me will pai pai zhan to go to the toilet??

my god! itzz sth to do with the genes or what? all of them got bladder problem..

actually i think my family has sort of bonded together le..we are closer than before.. yea.

today, i called bai baba n asked if hes coming home.

me: harlow? ni yao hui lai le mah?
bai baba: wei se me? ni yao chong liang huh?
me: mei you lar. chong ge pi.
bai baba: huh?? chong ge pi?? *luff luff luff*

-_-"""" sometimes bai baba really can be damn childish one.. haiyo.. how old le mister?? haha

ya, after we put down the phone, i told ma tt baba's mood todae damn good.. she asked me why n i told her abt the conversation.

then she luffed.. i said:'u better feedback to him..tell him muz always use those type of nice tone to tok to his daughter.'

n she luffed again.

when bai baba came home, she narrated the entire thing..in those act cute voice?? u noe like those teenage girl's voice?? hahaha.. harlow?? ur daughter dun even speak in tt manner.. i mean mayb my voice may sound childish..but i cant help it rite?

-_-""""

i really bei xia dao man!! hahahaha

think my family really damn funny man..

it runs in the genes.. hahaha..

nerd cow just msg me abt spore idol.. told me how er xin daphne is n sylvester's performance..
harlow?? olinda leh?? oso damn gross ok! eeeee...y she always like those furry stuff one huh???
i agreed tt daphne sounded funny.. she sounded like a small kid singing todae. really.
sylvester's an jing not very good oso..i think i can sing better.. hahaha..nowadays tt song is always my bathroom song.. hahahaha..yea. but i like the few parts where he improvised.. think it sounded nice n smooth..

pet forward a msg to me. showing an apple tree. saying an apple a day keeps the dr away.. now i give u an apple tree, take care ok??

yesh mdm. haha. she seldom forward stuff to me. me too.

think i better go play chess with zhou gong le..or as muay fan's friend says..go n play guitars or sing with zhou dong.

haha.. better sleep early.. if not going to fall sick again.. can feel the sorethroat coming back..

but b4 i fall alsp..i just ive got to go thru the usual thoughts in my mind...u noe u noe...its nice missing iye at times. just dun let it get too bad til i cry n it would be fine..

*shrugs*

*phew* im finally done with editing the blogskin..

nice huh?? *beam*

took me so long to figure stuff out.. MOMO is going to help me with the rest..i took almost 2hrs editing the skin..

kinda satisfied now.

gg to go over MOMO's place tmr..
asking her to transfer those photos in my phone to a cd.. going to develop them.

n gg to check out the price of the jigsaw puzzle with her later on..

MOMO says the picture may be distorted when its blown big.. huh.. how?

n i really hope the shop dont only have a standard size for the puzzle..

if its 1000 pc, i really can go n long bia man!
300 pc oso got big big problem to assemble le..
still tok abt 1000..
best is 300 or 500 pc.. coz 100 pc is too small..

then prob gg causeway pt to check out the frame..

nerd cow gotta help me with the framing after im done.. snow white wanna come over n chou re nao. haha

i really wanna complete the puzzle.

counting on xuefeng to deliver the puzzle.

i don't wanna do it myself.

piniu was actually right..

i was going thru the pics to see which one is the nicest to make into a puzzle.. looking at them makes me kinda...sad... hope i wont end up crying while assembling...

think the whole puzzle will look damn nice after im done with it. must have faith in myself..

I'LL COMPLETE IT!!! YESH!!!

11-Nov-04 01.55am

From: Kank

Anyhow, it's alright if
you don't reply. I'm
going to bed now. Do
sleep early and get
enough rest.
Goodnight

_end_


i wonder its becoz she read my blog or its becoz i din reply her..that made her msg that.

i feel bad about not replying..

true.. i din spend the nite awaiting for her reply.. but i spent the nite wondering if i was doing the right thing..

i mean i was the one who asked her to msg me whenever possible..

n i was also the one who dun wanna reply her..

what's this man..i dunnoe..

even though i din reply, i was hugging sexy real tight..n saying 'goodnite dear' in my heart..

i wonder what is she thinking at the other end..

is she missing me?
is she needing me?
did she spend the nite waiting for my reply?

or

is she thinking nothing of me not replying?
is she thinking tt she has wasted her sms?

ive tot abt it. ive decided.

ive decided to be selfish.

IF n only if she really is needing me, i will choose not to be there for her. at least for now.
[i dunnoe if i'll go back to the past]

i won't be like MOMO.

i noe i did promise that i'll be there for her..

but i can't keep going back..
no matter how badly i want to..

ive got to move forward..

going on like this wont lead us to anywhere..

like nerd cow says 'don't jiu chan xia qu, just leave things as beautifully as possible.'

i hope iye understands..

i realised that we can't be friends now.. at least i think tts the case for me..

i cant see myself looking at iye with a different glaze..

yea.. now i don't wanna think too much about the whole issue..

take care dear..

its amazing how similar stuff can get.

whenever hes really out of my mind..

somehow he seems to be able to know.

n he will msg.

n pop out from nowhere.

somewhat like constantly reminding me of his existance.

one nite he told me tt he would be most prob be going overseas to study after ns.. of coz.. results so lan..how to get to local uni? i knew tt..but tot nothing abt it till then.

i teared when i read the msg. n told him tt i was upset over tt.

he said i was a silly babe n comforted me.

i couldnt sleep tt nite.

i wonder hows he's doing.

she messaged.

m surprised.

10 Nov 04 11.47pm
From: kank

hey. hows ur paper so far? dont overwork ya?
-end-

noe what?

even if i did overwork..i still can take the stress n cope with it.

but i simply cant take the stress tt she has unknowingly been giving me for the past 1 mth. tts the truth.

im not going to reply. i cant take it when she doesnt reply me afterwhich.

and my intuition tells me just tt.

i rather not reply her than to have her not reply me.

it will hurt less. i think.

coz i wont spend the nite hoping she will reply.

dont say you dunnoe me.

i dunnoe myself too.


dont say u dun understand me.

i dont understand myself.


dont say you find me irritating.

i find myself irritating as well.


dont say you dont love me.

i dont even love myself.

how can i expect pple to love me?


dont ask me what i want in life.

simply becoz i myself dunnoe.

this period of time ive been doing quite abit of soul-searching.

learning to get to know the true me.

n certainly some stuff tt i learnt abt myself isnt very nice.

i question myself:

why do pple like to regret stuff?

why do pple not appreciate stuff before them?

why do pple not treasure pple around them?

why do pple grumble at the slightest displeasure?

its easy for me to sae 'yes. i will begin to treasure everything thing around me.'

but to come n think abt it, do i actually do tt?

who likes to live his life full of regrets? it isnt a nice thing u noe?

i said i would this i said i would tt..

but did i??

i noe i would regret if i dont do well this time rd..but m i putting in enough efforts?

no. im still wasting time.

i said i would learn to treasure her.. have i learnt??

no. i took her for granted all along, thinking tt she will always be able to tolerate me.

i said i would learn to treasure my friends.. have i learnt??

no. not enough i think.

i said i would learn to treasure my family.. have i learnt??

no. i just screamed at bai baba [its bai1 ba3 ba3. not bai1 ba4 ba4, get?] over the slightest thing.

n i regretted immed after tt.. hes was juz merely showing concern..why do i have to scream at him? have i been fair to him? no.

i asked myself how many years ive got left with him. it cant be everlasting.

isnt it contradictory?

to scream at him when hes right with me..n yet noe tt i'll cry n regret like mad when hes no longer there for mi?

i want to achieve this, n then i do stuff tt makes me go in the opposite direction.

i dont even understand myself. so how do i expect pple to understand me?

CRAP CRAP!!!!!!

FUCKING SHIT!!

*SCREAM*

i dunnoe whats better..

to have her only..

or to have the rest of my friends..

she cant replace all the friends tt i have..

the opposite is true as well..

that my other close friends cant replace her..

the feeling is just different..
n both are nice feelings..wonderful feelings..

sometimes friends mean more than me.. n to have them instead of her is more worthy..

but...

there are other times when i need her more..much more than any of my other friends..

oh well..

if given the choice to choose btw her n friends,
i dunnoe which one to choose..

but right now ive already got no rights to choose..

so. i'll try to make the best out of everything..

honestly speaking, im not doing a very good job. after thinking for quite sometime, i realise tt i cant post entries without censoring a lot of stuff.. tt goes to show tt i cant even be honest with myself..

probably snow white is right..can feel myself trying to hide into any hole possible..n make it my own world.. feeling it with tots n dreams that i longed for..things that i desired so badly in life..

theres somewhat like a barrier in front of me.. can imagine myself being a car.. sometimes i speed up, n other times i slow down.. things get worse when im like some lao po car..start engine le pao mao.. start..drive a few metres n then jerk n stop..n slowly regaining again..

i really dun understand why.. why do i allow things to hold me back.. i said i would let go of everything!! i said it myself! my god! i promised myself!!

pple think i se bu de let go.. its true to a certain extent.. a tiny winy extent...

but the truth is i cant! i dunnoe if its bcoz its beyond my reach or its tt the process is so slow tt i dun seem to feel any difference at all..

why would i wanna make my life miserable?? im not some retard u noe..i feel damn xin ku not being able to let go of things... its like they are piling up on me. i cant even breathe properly to move on at times.

its like im just a pathetic ass who cant even deliver sth tt she promises herself!

how demoralising can tt get??

things are a whole lot fucking crap!

probably its becoz its exams period now.. tts why everything seems to be so sucky n shitified..n nothing is worth doing.

n maybe becoz im swinging.. i get them quite frequently..but not as frequently when shes ard..coz now i noe theres no one who will be willing to take my nonsense..yea.

hopefully i'll be so busy after that with stuff tt i wont have time to think so much. i'll make myself real busy! yesh!

whenever i see him..i get a tiny winy excited..

just a tiny winy..

*beam*

quoting jay chou's comments on critisim:

'Musicians' ears should sometimes be sealed. i'm quite sealed off in my city wall. i let no one intrude.'

i think tt sounds pretty interesting. i mean i think it sort of like applies to anyone n anything..not just musicians..not just on critisim..

mayb i shld master the techni of shutting some pple, some comments out of my own world..

not allowing them to intrude..not allowing them entry..not allowing them to whack my life.. not allowing them to create a havoc n mess up my life..

yesh yesh yesh.

i'm starting to practise tt..

positive thinking positive thinking positive thinking.

qi dao wo yao si man!

that cy dunnoe last nite go running to where man...
nv help me do the stuff.. he's going to get it from me man!!! haha!

nvm. ask MOMO. MOMO!! help me!!!

dunnoe why.. last nite stayed up to watch 'wo chai' with bai baba wont feel tired at all..haha..not the least bit uncomfortable.. haha..

but study jiu hui!

told bai baba that i'll fix the com prob myself.. everything ji zhi lai!! hmph! wait for him = bai den!
ask him sponsor can le. i think hes damn happy tt i'll settle the problem myself..

i dunnoe what to do man.. my bill for this mth is so going to soar... shit!!! pple sms me, i oso must refrain from replying..nvm. 4 more days to go! before i can reset my sms counter!!!! YEA!!

received debbie's reply todae.. tot she went china le lor.. n so happy to noe tt she wont b having much stuff on after 26th nov. hehe..then can have free time for our 'romantic date'.. hahaha!!

found out tt the performance tt me n snow white wanna watch is called 'disney on ice'. the performance is next yr lo! 12-20 march.
prices: wkends $35, $50 (fri, sat, sun)
wkdays $30, $45 (tues, wed, thurs)

i just told my mum tt i may wana go.. she ask me to self sponsor..i oso nv intend to ask her to sponsor me.. but! she ask me to sponsor my bro oso! MAD AR! see how 1st lar.. depends on my mood.. haha!

oh this sat is qiqi's 21st bdae. dun think i'll go for her party..i think its so wu liao lo.. n not say we are damn close or what..

but next mon, i hope i can go for javier's 1st bdae party..if i go, i must remember to get sth for winnie..for helping me with the shapes of the molecule structures.

now i finally realise that sleep cant be replaced.

once u miss it, no matter how many hrs u put back, the quality is just different..

felt so damn sick today man..feel like puking n all.. the best part is i cant even pinpoint where im feeling uncomfortable..

its like i dunnoe.. the feeling sucks to the max.

n on top of tt..tt damn maths paper..

arghH!!

n i told xue feng they all abt my tuition kid.. n i realise sth.. pri sch now focus on han yu ping ying. i dunnoe, how to teach? whaeva.. will figure out a way..

im trying to change the whole blogskin. but apparently cant do it with this com.. wha the hell..

if i cant do it, i'll read n then go to bed.. ask someone to send the code to me tmr lar..

went yamaha todae n ask if they've got cello class.. dun have... *sulk*

so i asked for electone..but now their individual classes slot all full. sae i must go for audition to see if i can fit into any of the existing class.. heh??? i dun like grp classes... most prob if im to sign up, when i open the door, its all small kids.. so embarrassing.. no no no.

nvm..will look out for cello teachers.. if i so badly want..ask mrs ang lor..hou nian pi yi dian..

got a tuition kid.

really a kid..

p2 girl..

price abit low..but nvm.. hope shes a cute girl.. not those irritating one..if not i sure cannot tahan..

starting in late dec.

ive got no idea how to teach man.. eng, chi n maths. oh ya! isnt tt all the sub shes taking? i was still wondering howcome so few sub..no wonder.. n how to communicate to such a small girl?? i oso dunnoe..

hai..mon n fri evenings gone. =(

even more hai is the maths paper later on.. still studying lor..

gg to go take a quick bath..shall study in the bathrom using that same method..

then off to sch. yea.

off to bathe.

i just read eden's blog.. shes just a friend..not very close.. ok lar..migrated to canada after 'O's..

yea.. learnt tt shes majoring in economics over there.. MY GOD!!

economics??

n shes toking econs in her blog.. haha..

she blogged on 21/10/04 saying how she miss ij life blah n blah.. n she forgot what's lao shi's name.. tsk tsk.. its chiam!! remember?? i can only remember her eng surname.. chinese one i 4got le.. oops.. haha.. chiam is damn nice.. really damn nice.. coz she very teng wo!! haha.. think shes no longer teaching in ij le.. told me tt she wans to be a tutor instead when i went back for the carnival..tts so long ago.. miss having pple ard me speaking chinese in those weird weird ang mo way.. xiang dang nian my chinese is considered the top few one ok.. come ny...*look at grd* cmi.. right at the bottom...haiyo..n definitly miss speaking nothing but eng in sch. except to GYM! haha..

its so funny tt when i c a person, i'll auto switch to the correct language mode. like i speak mandarin in sch now, n when i tok to piniu n peggy, its natural to converse in eng.. yea.

oh..i dun miss selvam at all! eee..freaking woman.. hahaha.. saw this combination of selvam n julie leong todae! she was an invigilator.. hahaha.. muay fan agrees with me.. n we kept luffing.. haha..

miss mr teh with his graph shirt..n the gao zhi shirt.. remember GYM?? hahaha

n miss tbl.. tbl tbl..so sun kuo.. wonder if shes back from china not..

k..bai mama keeps asking me y i dun wanna go n slp.. better go now. my headache coming back le..

[[2.58pm]]

*scream*

so tired!!

i only had approx 2hrs of slp last nite!!

studied chem til 3am.. my god..

n i slpt at 4 on sundae morning. i think i really damn chiang man..

peggy pei wo on sunday morning.. so touched tt u pei wo becoz u said u would..not becoz u cant slp..

the soil chem really can hai si wo man!

merely 20 pages altogether..

n i took more than 6 hrs to study 10 pages??

the notes was so damn complicated..

what cation retention, hydrogen bonding btw lamallaes.. wha cation sustitution.. what piang! loaded with eqns to memorise..

n i was feeling so damn low becoz i couldnt figure out all those stuff??

n the best part is soil chem wasnt tested at all?? i really wanna go long bia le man! it was atmosphere n water treatment! tmd!!

went out for dinner..ah gong's bdae. must go! the dinner so ex.. must go! took notes there n study oso lor.. though not very effective..but every bit counts when faced with serious time shortage. yea.. got winnie to test me the shape. heh heh.. bingo! todae got 2 parts asking abt the shape. got it right! YIPEE!!

came back, full like shit..so bloated man..

sat down n study. n yest was shifu's turn to pei wo til 3am.. so still not that bad..two things that he told me which really make me luff like mad.. i dunnoe why..

1: he said he has been a man the moment he was bornt.
2: he said that to qualify for airforce, one can't be too tall, myopia canot be too serious, n one cant be too heavy.

huh?? y cannot be too tall n heavy??

his ans. cannot fit into cockpit.

hahahahahaha

u sure not??
got this type of nonsense one meh?

n i really cant believe u're pes A lor!!
no kidd ar?

nvm.. he entertained me, if not i zhao jiu give up going thru the notes le.. thanks for keeping ur promise of staying up with me. n ya.. jm is good looking...my opinion..mayb i c sth in him tt others dun see.. hahaha..

was feeling damn giddy when i woke up this morning.. yea..could even picture myself being tai out of the hall..so scared i would faint lo..

turn out the paper was ok. i din do the whole of organic. as usual i gave up on that.

im getting kinda worried lor.. if the paper was abit easy hor, then plus i nv go organic..28 marks gone leh.. shit man. n prac leh? later whole of spore do well, then they decide to moderate.. then i get what? E ar? how how how??

MUST CHIONG FOR CHEM MAN!!!!
econs jiu...qu ba...

tmr's maths p1..

gg to slp til 7. wake up watch tv, makan then study for maths.. sian..heng tmr's paper is in the afternoon....

oh! we wont be going for the musical le.. tix sold out. *sulk*

nvm! i'll go for other performances.
after exams every wk go concerts. hahaha.. mad! no money.. thinking of going to the itzz beauty n the beast one? just this ice skating performance.. dun mistake me. im not there to watch the belle n the beast, like snow white.. im there to listen to the ochestra. yesh. snow white, lets go for tt performance okokok??

[[2.28pm]]

im reading the email alvin forward to me..

its abt bdae..

so it goes like 'is ur bdae [whaeva no] of the month?

then i suddenly remembered that ichige's bdae is oso on the 25th.

*raise eyebrow*

m i really fated to fall in love with pple who are born on the 25th of the month??

maybe its just the way its meant to be..

for me to love 25th pple..n yet cant have them..*shrugs*

i wonder, i wonder..

so lets see who is the next 25th joker to come along..

if hes really a 25th..i really ren ming.. really nothing to say anymore..


_____________________


Is your birthday day 26 of the month?

Your Life
You are always curious and responsive to changes. Routine life is not the
way you choose to live. Travelling is your favorite hobby because excitement
is what you are after.


Your Love
You will not stand being around the one you dislike. Your love comes and
goes quickly. You can be deeply in love but soon after you will be looking
around for the next one.

_____________________

sounds quite true..im not too sure.

but very true about the part i cant stand being around the one i dislike.

so dun expect me to be aniwhere near LPG or PAPAYA..
unless im forced to.


[[3.29am]]

all it takes is just the email on 21 june 04. monday.

girl.

haven't you realise that me kicking up a fuss is for the same reason? and that i kick up a fuss as well cos i just don't know what else to do?

i know we are going thru a much rougher phase then before. and that's cos our expectations changed. not our attitudes towards each other.I've come to terms with that already.. maybe you should try to as well.

i don't call or msg you at absurb times of the morning for fear of disturbing you from your sleep. reached home at bout 2:30am on sunday... so badly wanted to call you.. but still choose not to. then i couldn't sleep because didn't hear your voice... untill 4am then managed to fall asleep.. morning woke up go training.. so early that's why nv msg... so bor bian training end le str away msg you...

i swear swear promise promise, promise promise swear swear that you're not someone i'll call whenever i want to and neglect when i'm occupied...

i'm sorry if i give you such impressions but that's because i'm utterly busy these days..

you give me the impression that it doesn't matter to you if i call or not, meet or not or msg or not.. isn't it the same??

don't kick up a fuss.. love me a bit more, give me a bit more attention and pamper me a bit more and i'll build rapport...

((jiarui))

iye





From:

Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 02:32:39 +0000

Dear...

i couldnt wait to send u this by post, so tot that i wld juz email u.

everytime u ask mi whats wrong with mi, either i wld sae i dunoe or nothing.. obviously i do noe why... juz tt i dun wanna tell u.. appparently i feel tt i dun get the amt of i wan from u.. sometimes i juz feel that im not exactly tt impt to u as i tot..n i really wonder whu m i to u.. somewhat like juz another person, juz another friend. only that ur this friend or this person meets u more frequently, care abt u u more tts all.. all i wan is juz tt much of attention n care more, is it too much to ask from u?im sorry tt im such a greedy girl, but i juz m...

i noe its all my fault if u decide not to msg or call mi tt often now coz i asked u to do so.. but do u realise tt ive got other meanings in tt msg? i think u do, but juz tt u choose not to. every morning, i wake up juz to wait for ur 'morning' msg.. every nite i juz wait for ur call... do u think tt i dun give a damn abt all these? i do. n they matter a great bit lot to mi. u called to sae u'll not call on sat nite. i noe. but this stupid dumb ass here is silly enough to actually hope tt u'll call eventually n stupidly waited til 3am. not a call or a msg... woke up at 8 n waited til 11 odd.. then came ur msg.. all these waiting have already drove mi crazy n irrational.. now u noe whats wrong with mi..

im sorry tt ive caused u to have so much heartache, but dont i have my share of it too??

i actually hav the impression tt im juz someone whu when needed is called upon, n when not needed juz left aside standing somewhere, waiting to be called upon.. n i really hate tt idea.. i really do..

im sick n tired of kicking fuss. up til now, wheneva i wan ur attention, i resort to kicking up a fuss out of nutthing. y dont u juz teach mi ways of getting ur attention more effectively? im running out of ways to get what i wan. i juz wan u to pamper mi a bit more..care abt mi more.. love mi a bit more..a tiny winy bit more oso makes mi happy a lot a lot more..

i noe tt u r oso getting sick n tired of mi throwing tantrums, but i... I DUNNOE!!!!!

whaeva it is, i still love u.. [[iye]]

love alwaezs,
jiarui.



i'm left building rapport with?

*blank look*

wo bu zhi dao.

superman at 2:59 AM

its thirty one minutes past two in the wee hours of a sunday..

now its thrity two minutes past two..

the mountain lullaby plays in the background..

singing about mountains n apple trees..

moonlight n starlight..

as she stares at her reflection in the mirror..

she sees herself in tears..

she sees herself holding back those tears..

before all these..

she sees herself recalling events..

realling the past..

digging up that part of her which she was so determined to bury deep deep somewhere in her..

structures of soil before her meant nothing to her..

all those kaolinite..montorillonite..

all that matters is the fact that no matter how hard she trys..

everything comes back eventually..

sweeping her off the ground..

totally helpless n hopeless..

replaying everything in that archive in her heart does nothing to ease the pain..

but merely..

simply..

make the pain far worse to bear..

with each entry stabbing her in the heart..

she closes her eyes..

praying that all these pain will pass one day....

l| when you say nothing at all |l


it's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
without saying a word, you could light up the dark
try as i may i could never explain
what i hear when you don't say a thing

the smile on your face let's me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
the touch of your hand says you'll catch me when ever i fall
you say it best, when you say nothing at all

all day long i could hear people talking about love
but when you hold me near you drown out the crowd
try as they may they can never define
what's being said between your heart and mine

the smile on your face let's me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
the touch of your hand says you'll catch me when ever i fall
you say it best, when you say nothing at all

the smile on your face let's me know when you need me
there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
the touch of your hand says you'll catch me when ever i fall
you say it best, when you say nothing at all

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIFU!!!!

zu ni fu lu dong hai, shou di nan shan!!!

see i so nice.. posted an entry just to wish u happy bdae.

but then.. i was woken up by u this morning again!!!

ARGH......

i had a kinky dream in the afternoon..

n i could feel my heart beating there....

*horny grin*

i really cant wait for 25th to come!!!

not becoz its her bdae..

but..becoz tts my last paper!!

physics p5? hai.. tt one..hai..hopeless lar.. yea! hurry hurry come!!

still got like 20/19 days..HURRY!!!

piniu n peggy!! let me promote to u 2 my cycling package!!! hahaha..

its so funny that now i emailed so much.

so happy that GYM checks her mail so frequently.. i think she really turn green till a ultimate stage le.. haha.. everyday rot at home..

the feeling of 'reunion' is great.

really.. suddenly we are kinda close again.. we can do better than this right debbie??

so thankful that theres no barrier or an sense of awkwardness..

things remain as where we left them..

n not deteriorate..

*beam*

oh.. n thru GYM's blog i managed to link to quite a no of friends.. suzanne..clare..jas..yong xue..eden..blah n blah..

it feels like all my friends are back with me.. im so HAPPY!! sounds kinda childish huh?? but tts the truth!!

n its like the ij spirit is back!! tt was really sth so wonderful in my life.. no doubt, ij girls may be bithcy, loud, bimbo-tic, airheads, whaever.. but they all have a great heart. yesh. really.

i dun experience tt kind of bonding in pri sch nor ny.

never.

yesh.. i really miss the good old ij times.. all girls oso nvm. we are not missing out alot of stuff.. aniway.. in ny, im literally in an all girls sch as well.. the class guys like died. haha

*sigh*

money is such a big problem..

pay less, the quality is real bad..

i wonder if the seats at the Esplanade Threate will be really bad..

agnes sae got pillars..

i go there to watch musical performance..

not to see pillars!

i might as well stay at home n see rite??

nvm.. check it out on tues when we go get the tix..

that receptionist better be honest with me man..

i got to noe things about u..from other pple..

no matter how tempted i m getting..

no matter how uncertain about to do it or not..

all these temptations will pass..

yea..

i just hope things had been going fine for you..

take care ger. yesh.

im listening to this song called 'mountain lullaby'..

i found it in my folder..

yea..i got this feeling iye sent it to me..

nice song.. very soothing..

n ive changed the backgrd song for my blog!! yEA!

it sounds a bit 'fan ban' i noe.. but not too bad what rite?? i'll go n find the original one asap i hope.. yea.. thanks MOMO again for the url.

i think the song is damn nice.. m considering whether to get this cd by keating.

yea. got money then say..

now m checking out the sistic thingy.. gg to call agnes later n ask her stuff.. long time nv tok to her le..

my god..im so tired..

woke up at 10am now..

damn irritating man.. the stupid blog server like down for a whole day man.. been trying to update for i dunnoe how many times.

yesterdae im like having a marathon man..

tok for 5hrs straight on the phone..

n all the whole im listening attentively lor!!

really..somemore got response..

not just listening for the sake of listening..

n i learnt pretty a lot of stuff..

yea..

i found out how so n so view love n all those..

its amazing how everyone seem to have different version..

really.

it just stuns me.

n it seems to me everyone seems to noe actually what they are looking for..

they noe they will do this n this under this circumstances..

yet, they noe that 'will do' n 'able do' may be different..

i really really really admire MOMO..

really.

honestly.

MOMO, i think u r really one who's willing to sacrifice ur happiness in exchange for his..

i guess im not able to do that..

i can't see myself doing what u've been doing for so long..

i can never understand ur theory of 'its just that now he doesn't need me..maybe one day when he's alone, he may come to me n tell me he needs me.. i cant say no to him.. coz i wan him to be happy..'

*mouth big big*

*shocked*

i really don't see myself doing that..

now that ur theory dun make sense..

i just think that its beyond my capabilities.

maybe what u say is true..

ive yet to meet the person i really really love..

i like ur analogy of 'shi wo shang bei zi qian ta de'

i think u shang bei zi really eat a lot of pork..til that now u're still returning stuff to him..

i guess based on ur analogy, wo shang bei zi ye shi qian ta de..

but ive decided no matter what, ive come to the stage that enough is enough. thats no point in going on like that.. yesh.. i dun care if i still qian ni stuff..but ive returned enough.. thats all im going to return. yesh.

moving on..

strongly..

not alone..

but with the company of my friends..


*special note*
peggy, i really thank you. i guess u were the one who really woke me up..with ur 'whats the point' theory.
yea. n thanks for ur star. im so proud to say i finally got that star!